I write on this blog mostly for a few reasons:
One - to use as a record for my children.
Two- so I don't forget.
Three - to share with my family and close friends our family pictures in a more intimate way.
Four - because I really do enjoy writing. I may not be great at it, but I have always had way too much to say and this way I can share without always talking my poor husband's ear off.
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Today is a two day. There are lessons I have been learning as a mother and wife, and I feel reason enough to write them down so I don't forget these feelings I have been experiencing and this extremely important lesson I have been learning.
It began a few weeks ago when problems with my ever goofy, sweet, handsome Soyboy began acting out in patterns of escalating violence. As a toddler we figured out quickly that he was prone to violent temper tantrums and was known to put himself in dangerous situations when said tantrums broke out.
As he passed the two year mark these tantrums died down to a minimum and were much easier to deal with. Recently his inner beast has returned to leave us with mouths hanging open, and worrying that he was going to do something that would hurt Lily, with whom he shares a room, or Grant. One night he was so out of control that I was at my wits end after battling him for two hours straight. After he destroyed (and yes, I mean destroyed) the bedroom door in his room by throwing heavy toys against it, I resorted to putting him on the back deck. He quickly found a tree limb and used that to begin slamming the glass with all his might, then when I relieved him of that dangerous adventure, he took our picnic table and rammed it into the screen door.
You get the picture: Jekyll and Mr. Hyde in a cute little blonde force.
The only thing I could think to do was physically restrain him. I was proud of myself for never once losing my temper, never once yelling at him.
We both cried after I finally got him to calm down.
Then as I tucked him into bed (at 10:00 I might add, two and a half hours when all was said and done) and he reached up to me and asked me to cuddle him.
I am not proud to say that I rolled my eyes and left him in there to cry himself to sleep.
As I sat at the bottom of the stairs, listening to his cries I was completely torn. I wanted to comfort him, but was that a reward? Giving him love after such a terrible display of the terrible roars?
Later that night as I lay in bed contemplating this moment my heart settled on the right should-have-been. He needed to be reassured in that moment that despite his terrible tantrum, despite how he had acted that his mommy still loved him deeply. It was too late to take back that moment, but it was enough to begin a change in our relationship that has been helping calm the waters with him.
As the week progressed I knelt in prayer each day to beg God for His mighty wisdom. He knows His children and knows what we need and how to solve the problems in our lives. I love having the source of God to plug into when I can't figure out how to solve a problem on my own.
The answer came through a talk given at our church's semi-annual General Conference by our wonderful prophet, Thomas S. Monson. The answer? Love.
Love can tame this little boy. And lots of it.
President Monson says:
"There are many attributes which are manifestations of love, such as kindness, patience, selflessness, understanding, and forgiveness. In all our associations, these and other such attributes will help make evident the love in our hearts.
Usually our love will be shown in our day-to-day interactions one with another. All important will be our ability to recognize someone’s need and then to respond. I have always cherished the sentiment expressed in the short poem:
I have wept in the night
For the shortness of sight
That to somebody’s need made me blind;
But I never have yet
Felt a tinge of regret
For being a little too kind."
As I listened to the Prophet's words over and over I knew that this was the answer that God was giving me. Love him. Love that little boy with every breath, every glance, every word, and this will solve everything.
Soon came my next opportunity to show forth love.
I saw the tell tale look in his eye one afternoon. When Sawyer looks at me, but looks right past me, his eyes brimming with tears and his little fists clench up - I know we were about to begin the battle. He needed a time out, he had done something wrong, and we both knew it but he was not going without a fight.
I took a deep breath and did something completely out of the norm for these moments. I approached him, and knelt down. He immediately began screaming and kicking as I put my arms around him and screamed, "I hate you!" as he hit me.
But then I held him, I whispered, "Did you know Mommy loves you?" He continued to squirm and hit. I held him tighter and I said, "I'm just going to hug you until the angries run away, okay?" He sobbed, and then relaxed into my hug. I held him as he cried and whispered again to him, "Mommy loves you so much." It took about 15 seconds and then there was a physical change in his demeanor. Putting him on his feet, I led him to time out. I sat him down, put my hands on both cheeks, and told him calmly, "Mommy loves you. She wants you to know that what you chose to do needs a timeout. When it is all done I am going to love you still. When that timer goes off we will say sorry and then start over."
And he sat down. He calmed down. It was like night and day.
"Brothers and sisters, some of our greatest opportunities to demonstrate our love will be within the walls of our own homes. Love should be the very heart of family life, and yet sometimes it is not. There can be too much impatience, too much arguing, too many fights, too many tears. Lamented President Gordon B. Hinckley: “Why is it that the [ones] we love [most] become so frequently the targets of our harsh words? Why is it that [we] sometimes speak as if with daggers that cut to the quick?”9 The answers to these questions may be different for each of us, and yet the bottom line is that the reasons do not matter. If we would keep the commandment to love one another, we must treat each other with kindness and respect.
Of course there will be times when discipline needs to be meted out. Let us remember, however, the counsel found in the Doctrine and Covenants—namely, that when it is necessary for us to reprove another, we afterward show forth an increase of love.10
I would hope that we would strive always to be considerate and to be sensitive to the thoughts and feelings and circumstances of those around us. Let us not demean or belittle. Rather, let us be compassionate and encouraging. We must be careful that we do not destroy another person’s confidence through careless words or actions."
-President Thomas S. Monson
The lessons will continue to come as I try to learn how to best take care of this precious little soul. God has entrusted me to love him, to share with him my whole heart and show him how to treat others. He has entrusted me to teach Sawyer what to do when he wants to fly off the handle and his temper takes over.
I will engrain something in him. Something I hope he never forgets. And that is that his Mommy loves him. That she will always forgive him. That when he needs that cuddle, that reasurrance I can provide it. He will know that he is my son and that is enough to earn my love.
I will also engrain into his soul something even more important. A lesson that will stem from our relationship will be that he has a loving God who will always forgive him. He has a God that loves him. That will always provide the reasurrance that He is a child of God and that is enough to earn God's love.
