As I stood in line at the DMV waiting to get called I had some time to think about life and what direction it has taken. I am a SAHM. I stay at home. All day. Every day. Especially now that it is too cold outside to go for a walk. Somedays I feel really lonely despite having Lily and Keith.
When Keith and I decided to move to Connecticut I realized what I was in for - starting over again. We agreed it was the right move to make and it felt like the right step to take in our lives. When I was a child my family moved a few times and I remember often being the new girl in school. Walking in insecure and shy, I stood waiting for the teacher to point out my desk and hoping in my little heart that someone would take a leap of faith on me and befriend the awkward, tall girl. I think because of those experiences I am usually the first to leap up and try to befriend the "new" kid.
When Keith and I moved to Massachusetts last June I had never experienced loneliness like that before. Keith was all I had. I had quit my perfect job. I was pregnant. I really felt like a burden to him as he came home each day and I rarely had the energy to greet him after spending the whole day lying on the bathroom floor (ah, the joys of inheriting my mom's pregnancy genes). After months of this I was desperate for some intervention. I felt lonely, sick, and depressed. After praying for some divine help in a matter of weeks I was suddenly whelmed (not over) by support from my new church ward, Mia who blessed me with the knowledge of Unisom and B-6, a new job handed to me on a platter where I got to play with cute kids and work with a wonderful staff up until the very day I gave birth, and new friends that were truly an answer to my prayers. I left Massachusetts with WICKED cool memories and friends.
As I was standing in line at the DMV a quote from one of the best book characters ever, Anne, popped into my head:
"Marilla," she demanded presently, "do you think that I shall ever have a bosom friend in Avonlea?"
"A--a what kind of friend?"
"A bosom friend--an intimate friend, you know--a really kindred spirit to whom I can confide my inmost soul. I've dreamed of meeting her all my life. I never really supposed I would, but so many of my loveliest dreams have come true all at once that perhaps this one will, too. Do you think it's possible?"
As I was standing in line at the DMV reflecting on all of this, my heart started to ache a little and sadness crept into my normally cheery heart. My eyes momentarily filled with tears, then my phone unexpectedly beeped and I looked down to see a new text message: "I just had a Cherie is the best wife/mom ever moment! Love you!"
In that moment I came to see that I have all I need to be happy. I have a baby girl that I adore and that clammors for my attention constantly and who will only say one purposeful word, "Mama." I have a husband that loves me, supports me, listens to me, and brings home the bacon, and IS my bosom friend. I have family that calls me almost daily to tell me their life bits (thanks famdamily!), and I am starting to make new friends despite the SAHM bit. I realize that being a SAHM and moving come with perks, but also aches of life changes. And at the end of today, I could clap with Lily as we sang "If you're happy and you know it clap your hands." Because I am...happy.
