Not really a Christmas-themed post, but something that has been on my mind a lot lately.
We have been struggling to figure out the best way to discipline our sweet, little Lily. To understand disciplining and when it is needed and when the battle is not worth battling.
I have to first start by saying that I feel like disciplining in our society is a lost art form. Being a stay-at-home mom that stays at home ALL the time (we're getting a second car soon - whoopee!!!), I've been contemplating a lot how women through the past hundreds of centuries have successfully managed to raise children. How they may have struggled themselves with loneliness, with teaching their children right from wrong, and how the heck they lived without a Kitchen Aid.
Years ago as a beginning student teacher I really struggled with getting control over the classroom. I struggled because I desperately wanting to get the children on my side so they'd behave. Instead of behaving, by cowing to them and trying to make them listen through "loving them enough" I was faced with unruly classroom behavior and often I ended the day in tears.
At some point one of my mentors noticed what was going on and sat me down and said (basically), "Cherie, if you want the kids to respect and love you, you need to set down ground rules, and you need to set in place consequences for breaking said rules. You are there to be their teacher, their mentor, not their friend." Then she told me to go buy "Love and Logic."
I toughened up considerably in the next classroom I taught. From then on I was firm, I was fair, and I was most of all consistent. And the amazing result was...for the first time the kids loved me. They respected me. And they listened. I was never mean to my students, but fair and consistent. We reviewed the rules every day. Often all I had to do was look at a student and ask them to read to me rule such-and-such. There were consequences. There were hugs or high-fives after a punishment, and my classroom was run smoothly and we were able to blast through most of the curriculum because they knew what was expected of them at all times. This isn't to brag by any means, but just to say that it was a painful lesson to learn, but one I'm grateful I learned because now I see how important it is as a mom to be fair, firm, and consistent if I want to have a happy and love filled home.
That being said, raising a toddler is FAR harder than raising a classroom of 25+ students. Why? They can't read first of all, so you can't just set a list of rules in front of them and expect them to know what to always do at the ripe age of two, or to even remember. Also, you are really just making it up as you go along based on what works for that child and what you can tolerate as a mom. And on top of that toddlers are more emotional than a PMSing woman (thank goodness PMS doesn't make us pee our pants every time we cry, right?). But more than anything, it is because you are filled to the brim with love for them and don't want to see them suffering.
Lily and I have been struggling for the past few weeks to figure out how all this works. She is a really sweet and normally well behaved little girl but potty training and nursing has really caused our relationship to struggle. We had some really hard days where I found myself locking myself in the bathroom because I was so upset and close to tears myself and didn't want her to see me losing it. One day it got to the point where I realized that something had to change, and it needed to change ASAP, and it was ME who needed to change, not her. So I got down on my knees and started to seek some guidance from up above.
I think almost daily about what I want my home to feel like. I want there to be love. I want there to be laughter. I want there to be peace, and I know it can't be there unless I return to a fair, consistent, and kind way of disciplining. So with a lot of prayer, meditation, and some ah-ha moments these are the things I've been realizing:
1. I need a game plan. I need to know how to discipline my toddler fairly and consistently. I laugh that I got some insight while watching Supernanny (Rock on Jojo!):
I've started implementing Superanny’s steps to time-out and they are working wonders with Lily. Lily has been much happier and seems to know what is expected of her too, so we are working together.
2. The other thing I have been learning about disciplining is that it isn't about control, it really is about teaching. Plan of salvation can teach us that.
It's about helping your child understand that there are boundaries in your family that they need to respect, about learning to control their behavior and make good decisions, and it's about teaching them how to use their free-agency wisely. It isn't about force, it isn't about spanking (which is never necessary in my book), it even isn't about the time-out. It's about them learning to make choices that will make your home run smoothly and be filled with love and happiness.
3. Also, I need to always remember that my children are people, little ones, but people with feelings and needs. And they have been sent to me to take care of. It is my responsibility to guide them through this life the best I can and teach them right from wrong and answer those consistent, "Whys?"
4. My last ah-ha moment was realizing that if I cannot feel the Spirit in my home during the day then I need to reevaluate how I'm running my home.
I feel like this is going to be an ongoing quest in my life to create the kind of home I want. But I want to nail it down as much as I can now and then continually seek the Lord's guidance regarding the unique needs of each of my children. I want each of them to see me as fair, consistent, firm, but filled with love.
There were students in my classroom that I prayed for, students that I needed to understand and I was amazed at how the Lord constantly opened my eyes to knowing how to meet their needs. And still I am that teacher. My classroom has changed, my class size is much smaller, but now I am needed to be the best teacher I can be more than ever.
We have been struggling to figure out the best way to discipline our sweet, little Lily. To understand disciplining and when it is needed and when the battle is not worth battling.
I have to first start by saying that I feel like disciplining in our society is a lost art form. Being a stay-at-home mom that stays at home ALL the time (we're getting a second car soon - whoopee!!!), I've been contemplating a lot how women through the past hundreds of centuries have successfully managed to raise children. How they may have struggled themselves with loneliness, with teaching their children right from wrong, and how the heck they lived without a Kitchen Aid.
Years ago as a beginning student teacher I really struggled with getting control over the classroom. I struggled because I desperately wanting to get the children on my side so they'd behave. Instead of behaving, by cowing to them and trying to make them listen through "loving them enough" I was faced with unruly classroom behavior and often I ended the day in tears.
At some point one of my mentors noticed what was going on and sat me down and said (basically), "Cherie, if you want the kids to respect and love you, you need to set down ground rules, and you need to set in place consequences for breaking said rules. You are there to be their teacher, their mentor, not their friend." Then she told me to go buy "Love and Logic."
I toughened up considerably in the next classroom I taught. From then on I was firm, I was fair, and I was most of all consistent. And the amazing result was...for the first time the kids loved me. They respected me. And they listened. I was never mean to my students, but fair and consistent. We reviewed the rules every day. Often all I had to do was look at a student and ask them to read to me rule such-and-such. There were consequences. There were hugs or high-fives after a punishment, and my classroom was run smoothly and we were able to blast through most of the curriculum because they knew what was expected of them at all times. This isn't to brag by any means, but just to say that it was a painful lesson to learn, but one I'm grateful I learned because now I see how important it is as a mom to be fair, firm, and consistent if I want to have a happy and love filled home.
That being said, raising a toddler is FAR harder than raising a classroom of 25+ students. Why? They can't read first of all, so you can't just set a list of rules in front of them and expect them to know what to always do at the ripe age of two, or to even remember. Also, you are really just making it up as you go along based on what works for that child and what you can tolerate as a mom. And on top of that toddlers are more emotional than a PMSing woman (thank goodness PMS doesn't make us pee our pants every time we cry, right?). But more than anything, it is because you are filled to the brim with love for them and don't want to see them suffering.
Lily and I have been struggling for the past few weeks to figure out how all this works. She is a really sweet and normally well behaved little girl but potty training and nursing has really caused our relationship to struggle. We had some really hard days where I found myself locking myself in the bathroom because I was so upset and close to tears myself and didn't want her to see me losing it. One day it got to the point where I realized that something had to change, and it needed to change ASAP, and it was ME who needed to change, not her. So I got down on my knees and started to seek some guidance from up above.
I think almost daily about what I want my home to feel like. I want there to be love. I want there to be laughter. I want there to be peace, and I know it can't be there unless I return to a fair, consistent, and kind way of disciplining. So with a lot of prayer, meditation, and some ah-ha moments these are the things I've been realizing:
1. I need a game plan. I need to know how to discipline my toddler fairly and consistently. I laugh that I got some insight while watching Supernanny (Rock on Jojo!):
I've started implementing Superanny’s steps to time-out and they are working wonders with Lily. Lily has been much happier and seems to know what is expected of her too, so we are working together.
2. The other thing I have been learning about disciplining is that it isn't about control, it really is about teaching. Plan of salvation can teach us that.
It's about helping your child understand that there are boundaries in your family that they need to respect, about learning to control their behavior and make good decisions, and it's about teaching them how to use their free-agency wisely. It isn't about force, it isn't about spanking (which is never necessary in my book), it even isn't about the time-out. It's about them learning to make choices that will make your home run smoothly and be filled with love and happiness.
3. Also, I need to always remember that my children are people, little ones, but people with feelings and needs. And they have been sent to me to take care of. It is my responsibility to guide them through this life the best I can and teach them right from wrong and answer those consistent, "Whys?"
4. My last ah-ha moment was realizing that if I cannot feel the Spirit in my home during the day then I need to reevaluate how I'm running my home.
I feel like this is going to be an ongoing quest in my life to create the kind of home I want. But I want to nail it down as much as I can now and then continually seek the Lord's guidance regarding the unique needs of each of my children. I want each of them to see me as fair, consistent, firm, but filled with love.
There were students in my classroom that I prayed for, students that I needed to understand and I was amazed at how the Lord constantly opened my eyes to knowing how to meet their needs. And still I am that teacher. My classroom has changed, my class size is much smaller, but now I am needed to be the best teacher I can be more than ever.
