Yummy Soul Food

All 3 of my babes are sleeping (yup, Keith is a total babe), giving me a chance to sleep too, but instead I’m taking a moment to update this blog. There has been so much on my mind lately, that I hardly know where to begin and my thoughts may become scrambled. I'll start with little updates, because that's easy and then if you continue to read, well, bless your heart.

Sawyer (the yummy one):

Crawling like a…well, I dunno how to describe it really. It looks like he’s trying to make it to a wheelchair or something because he drags his legs like nobody’s business. It makes me smile, especially when he comes at full speed to catch me. Who knew those arms were well oiled muscle rolls?

He’s also sprouting some chompers these days. The two on bottom have come through and now he’s busting out the top two. I DO so wish he would take a bottle at some point. He’s taken to me as one of his favorite teething objects and nursing has turned into a battleground. I love the little guy but I can only imagine what kind of trouble he’s going to get into once he starts walking. He’s already a ball of unstoppable, curious energy.

He started signing this week too! More! More! More! I’m thrilled to see him picking up that and he can call us “Mama” and “Dada” too. Lily doesn’t quite have a name yet, but he isn’t screaming every time she comes near him now (hooray). Instead we’ve finally turned the corner and he’s seeing how fun it is to have a little person entertaining him. He thinks it’s hilarious when she starts throwing a tantrum, which makes them not so terrible.

Lily:

She IS Angelina Ballerina. She spends almost every spare minute of the day practicing pointing her toes, lifting her legs, spinning, and hopping gently about. When we get in the car she immediately calls out for me to turn on the “ballerina music” (classical station) and we make up story lines to the music and she'll tell me how the dancers are moving in her head.

Three really is a magical age. We have our happy little girl back. She loves to help again (yeah!) and I’ve been trying to keep her busy with fun projects. We recently painted a bird house (thanks Jenny for the idea), made our own flowers and dirt (yum), and have been discovering Spring flowers now that it’s warming up a tad.

Keith & Cherie:

Keith and I have spent most of March working on painting our living room. Slap on some paint? Not a chance in this house. We had to smooth out two of the walls, rip down some trim, reshape our window area, etc. It’s coming along, but SLOWLY. I promise to post pictures when it is done…lol. Done? I’ve finally had to come to the conclusion that this house is never going to be finished. Not in negative kind of way – but because this is a home. There is a roof over our head. But the roof doesn’t make a house a home. Love, memories, fun, and working together make it a home.

I don’t want to look at this house and feel stressed because it is far from where we want it. I want to look at it and see the spot over there where Lily helped us paint and we laughed when her prayer that night went something like this, “Heavnwy Fadder, bwess my paint to dry. Bwess it to be pwetty and to not be wet. Bwess Mommy to paint. Bwess Daddy to paint and to not dwip on my paint. Bwess the paint to be not smelly…” I want to remember that Keith taught Lily and I how to cha cha in the kitchen, where Sawyer figured out how to crawl, the room that my friends helped me paint, and where we had a water fight.

There is so much I am letting go of right now, and so much more that is coming into my life. When I left college and went on a mission, I dedicated my life to serving and loving the people that I met and came in contact with each day. And I did, I loved them. I thought at the time that I had mastered some of the principles that I would need as a mother and wife.

Then I had a baby.

Snicker. Who was I kidding? I’m so far from where I need to be and it is so hard to become who I want to be.

When Lily was born I had to let go of who I was as a person and completely redefine my life, my priorities, and what was important. I had to become capital M - mommy.

I thought I had done this, then I had Sawyer and I realized how much farther I have to go. I’m scared that if I have a third child I’ll just realize that all my progress is once again laughable and I’ve yet to become a new and improved person.

It’s hard to put all of this into words, but I’m going to try. I’ve realized that this is a chance. The opportunity of a lifetime to become more Christ-like. And I have to let go of so many things about me, so many of my imperfections and focus on how I can be better. How I can give more love than I ever thought possible? How can I still be that person at 4 a.m. in the morning? When my temper flares up (geneology says otherwise, but I swear I must have some Irish in me), I have to rely on the Spirit and prayer, and practice to speak with love and patience.

Being a mother is my chance to give. To give and to give and to give. But when I finally quit looking for the “What’s in it for me?” factor, I receive something even more wonderful and special - the qualities I’m searching for: patience, longsuffering, kindness, gentleness, and charity.

Having self-control is hard. And it really sucks sometimes. There are moments when I want to quit and get a job. Then he giggles. Then she says something backwards and quirky. Then he crashes and needs a kiss. Then she squeals when she does something so simple as make it to the potty in time. And I feel this is my place. Where I need to be and noone has the right of robbing me of those moments.

I recently read a book that was based on self-control. It’s focus was on eating, but the author took that to the next level and brought in the factor that we really are working towards letting go of the natural [wo]man and reaching for something higher and better. Reaching for the next level of happiness, of godliness, and of feeding our souls instead of our bodies.

So here I am. I’m soul feeding. I’m filling my life with good things. Children, kisses, laughter, dancing, running, scripture, and yes, with some chocolate too.